Full of it ...

So the other day my friends and I were having a deep conversation about our past relationships. It was kind of sad because they were talking about how they can be considered heart breakers and how they’ve been depressed because they have had so many breakups. I don’t want to hear that shit! Then again what else can you expect from a group of bored teenagers.

I sat there the whole time with my mouth shut because I’ve only one close-to-real relationship which I wouldn’t mind having erased from my mind. One of them asked me why I was so quiet, but then verbally realized that I have only one girl. I wanted to blurt out “Because I’m not a hoe like you!” Then I realized that it wouldn’t really matter because while their tied down to someone who they probably won’t even remember in a few years, I’ll actually find someone worth my time.

RANDOMNESS ....

The regret of never knowing. The doubt that kills. The excitement which ended sooner than anticipated. Maybe this is just a process of adjusting to a new world. Or maybe this is just me trying to come to grips with reality. Happiness has never been this distant or seemingly impossible to grasp. Much of my life had been spent near great sources of joy, deep pools of inspiration. Now, apparently, I am longing for something creative. I am still looking for that jolt of life.

But I also realize that sacrificing my personal happiness for the benefit of the people I love is more important to me than anything else. And they are the only reason I persevere. This conflicting sense of purpose is slowly tearing me apart. Sometimes I find myself wondering and fearing the uncertainty of my future, and the future of the people closest to my heart. Why should I selfishly long for my own happiness, when I can find joy making other people’s lives easier?

Sometimes I ask myself whether the pressure, the doubts, the loneliness are all self-generated. The difficult questions always return unanswered like I’m playing a game of squash. No matter how hard I hit the ball bounces back. Am I facing a wall? Or should I be breaking the wall?

The truth is I am sad. I am sad because I cannot be happy. But I am also happy because I am sad for my family. It’s a sweet sadness that gives rise to a rough form of joy.

I am sad because there are somethings I might never know. But at the same time, ignorance is as they say, bliss.

I am happy because there is stability and I’ve found a place where I can pleasantly work my hours and earn my keep. But at the same time, pleasant is never enough.

Blessed John Paul II

He inspires me.

I believe this is the best time to tell how this great man inspires me. I’m talking about the Venerable Pope John Paul II or now known as Blessed John Paul II.

I haven’t seen him in person, his last trip to the country was when I was 3 years old and I’ve never been to the Vatican. I met the late pope through the news, stories, photos. Being charismatic and popular, this man truly touched many lives including me.

The stories of people about Pope John Paul II, I found one humble man, who has a deep devotion to the Virgin Mary like me. He’s someone who show his compassion very much especially to the poor and to the youth thus, he’s one brave man despite of all his personal experiences in life. He inspires me to have faith on everything I do.

I remember when he died few years ago, I really prayed for him. I stayed on every coverage on TV, read every article about him. Blessed John Paul II’s humility, joy, love, and faith to God and Mary will forever inspire me to be the best I can.

Destruction of Love .....

Oh my palpebras(eyelids) are
wet…

Oculi so red as
blood…

These created by my
lugubrious thoughts…

Stab my feeble heart
with a rod…

Crystal tears all secreted…

Some are shed, some
are left behind…

They tickle my cheeks
as they slowly fell…

Is there something I
longed to find…?

Everything I saw was
a blur…

A haze I can’t
withstand at all…

Trying to stop the
insane impulse…

Driving my fist to
hit the wall…

Shattered hand with
an open wound…

Bones crushed to
several pieces…

Bleeding in pain
trying to ease my heart…

Strangle me with a
hundred laces…

Every breath I
inhale…

Is a step nigher to
death’s paradise…

Every tear I shed…

The louder I can hear
the death’s cries…

Needing the bandage
of love…

Which no one can
provide…

No one but her
solely…

I’m sitting by Hades’
side….

-Gerald James Castro

A day without you...

A day without you,

Is like a bird
without wings,

Trying to take flight
above the stars,

And by Saturn without
rings.

A day without you,

Is like a ring
without a hand,

Found lost and broken
on a beach,

Without the sand.

A day without you,

Is like a smile
without a face,

Smiling at the
flowers at home,

Sitting without a vase.

A day without you,

Is like a wedding
without a groom,

Alone in a desolate
house,

Without a room.

A day without you,

Is like a rainbow
without color,

Stretching over a
rich man’s house,

Without a dollar.

A day without you,

Is like an ocean
without a tide,

As the moon sits
still and doesn’t rise,

All the world wide.

A day without you,

Is like a desert
without the sun,

And in its depths a
poacher,

Who doesn’t have a
gun.

A day without you,

Is like all of this,

The world is
incomplete till’ you return,

And end this
reminisce.

-Gerald James Castro

Untimely Love...

Untimely Love..

As the fire emerged
from the man’s burning soul,

Sees an angel in
disguise and made his life whole,

Her ravishing eyes
gleam with ethereal beauty,

Her lovely grin
varies the man’s heart completely.

As he walked nigher
to the maiden he admires,

With his heart sated
with so much burning desires,

Her beauty is the
remedy for the man’s heart,

And she is the one
who is God’s work of art.

She is the missing
piece of the man’s solely life,

Seeking for her
everywhere until afterlife,

Every bits of his
life his love arose stronger,

He needs the verity,
he needs the answer.

Every dawn without
her pretty face to stare,

It’s like arousing up
from a barren world’s lair,

He only envisions her
face in a picture frame,

Parted his dried lips
to bid her six letter name.

She is the one, who
can verify the man’s crushed heart,

The one who could
redeem him from falling apart,

He’ll grant all to
her even if it’s operose,

Just to gratify her
heart and precluding loss.

Spirit within remains
lifeless without its dear,

The dark clouds
hiding the sky, made it seem unclear,

He’ll eternally
persist in a bleak domain,

Blinded without her,
inducing him to go insane……

-Gerald James Castro

Friends Without Faces

We sit and we type, and we stare at our screens

We all have to wonder, what this possibly means.

With our mouse we roam, through the rooms in a maze

Looking for something or someone, as we with in a daze.

We chat with each other, we type all our woes

Small groups we do form, and gang up on our foes.

We wait for somebody, to type out our name.

We want recognition, but it is always the same.

We give kisses and hugs, and sometimes flirt.

In PM’s we chat deeply, and reveal why we hurt.

We do form friendships, but how, we don’t know

But some of these friendships, will flourish and grow.

Why is it on screen that we can be so bold

Telling our secrets, that have never been told.

Why is it we share the thought in our mind

With those we can’t see, as though we were blind.

The answer is simple, it is as clear as a bell.

We all have our problems, and need someone to tell.

We can’t tell real people, but tell someone we must,

So we turn to the ‘puter, and to those we can trust.

Even though it is crazy, the truth still remains

They are Friends Without Faces, and odd little names.